Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
