I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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