yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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