How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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