did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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