New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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