i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
