yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if i can run in heels then i can drive
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
me + whiskey = a bad person
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
