So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
