They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
