Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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