Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Shame - the story of my life.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
