a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
