Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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