WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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