tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
