Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
