I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize