Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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