She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
