I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
