Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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