white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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