I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
