I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize