Moan for me like Helen Keller
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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