Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
