Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
