i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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