idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
