I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
