Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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