I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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