Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
