dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
