he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love having hate sex.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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