dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
