You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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