sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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