The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
