Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
