Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
