I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
