Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
