FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
