You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
