The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
