A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
