I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
