Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
