16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
