At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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