he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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