wrigley field is MILF paradise
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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