She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize