i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
All I want is dick and wine.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
