Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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