he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My cat gives me a boner
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
