So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
