Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
