I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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