smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
