my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
