Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
