I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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