More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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