Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
